Halitosis Tales
Yesterday I was on a jam packed flight and stuck in the middle seat. A young man, perhaps middle twenties, took the isle seat next to me. When he sat down, I got a whiff of his breath. Nothing could describe it better than "toxic fecal." Now my nose was broken a few times and it may look a little bumpy, but it can pick up odors as well as my trusty pooch. Whew, the odor of his breath was difficult to bear. I looked him over to see how this could be.
His teeth did not look rotten, he was clean appearing, and quite friendly. He was totally plugged into his CD player, stashed a rock music magazine in the pouch along with 6 different mini video games all wrapped nicely in a plastic bag. As soon as the pilot gave the word he was playing Free Space for the next three hours. His build was very thin and he was pale.
With him sitting on my right, I breathed out of my left nostril as best I could. When the flight attendant came around to offer us some food, he ordered the "Kill Yourself" meal with no hesitation. The "Kill Yourself" meal is corn chips, salsa, a package of cheese crackers, a cookie and a Milky Way. Stashed at the bottom was a small bag of raisins. When he found the raisins he looked at me and said, " I don't eat raisins, do you want them?" He ordered a Pepsi to drink. We then had the following theoretical conversation:
Me: Hi
Him: Hi
Me: Excuse me for asking, but are you really going to eat that?
H: Sure, why?
M: Why? Cuz that food is killing you.
H: How do you know?
M: Because your breath smells like a sewage trap that hasn't been emptied in 4 weeks.
H: Because of my diet?
M: Yes. Your "meal" is sugar, processed white flour, genetically modified corn, gobs of trans fats, artificial colors and dyes, imitation cheese, and more sugar.
Your intestines are all toxic and the sewer gas bubbles up and comes over to me.
H: Sorry about that. (he sighed and politely breathed toward the aisle on the other side. Suddenly, the guy across the aisle stopped his breath mid cycle and gave him a dirty look)
This food can do that?
M Yes and worse. It can kill you. But before it kills you it will give you terrible diseases of your heart, blood pressure, diabetes, and even cancer, and then you'll be finally done in by some medicines you don't need.
H: You're serious?
M: Yes.
H: Are you sure you don't want these raisins? I don't eat them.
M It's the only food in there you should eat!
H Thanks for the info. Sorry about the breath, next time I'll use some mouth wash.
M No! That's only more chemicals! Bad!
H What should I do?
M: See your complementary or integrative practitioner or call LifeWorks Wellness Center and we'll do a makeover from the inside! When we're done, you'll feel like a million bucks.
H: Deal!
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